so my new blog URL is: http://fragile—-bird.tumblr.com! It’s positive, recovery focused…I hope you all like it! I’ll still be posting personal posts. I’m not deleting this blog, but I’m definitely not going to be on it nearly as much.
Follow me please! :)
So I made a recovery blog. I won’t be deleting this one, but I need some new people to follow! :) Please please please give me any good recovery blogs that you know of, I’ll check them all out!
I’ll give you all the link once it’s up and running. :)
having an ambivalent morning. I’m happy to have more energy and almost normal blood pressure. I’ll be happy when no one has to worry about me. But I look at old pictures and think how much farther I could’ve pushed myself.
The body changes are by far the hardest to cope with in this whole process.
Yesterday was really shitty, but I’m determined to make today a good day. I’m supposed to go on pass with my mom and my sister today from 1-7. I’d pack a snack here and then go out to dinner somewhere. I’m a little nervous about it, but it’ll be nice to get out for a good portion of the day.
I’m also thinking about deleting this blog. Or maybe not deleting it, but starting over. A fresh start. A recovery blog? Not to say that this isn’t my recovery blog, because that is what I’m doing. But it’s so dark. I’m not sure. Thoughts?
~look im a model~
a pale, creepy, fat model
You look gorgeous. As usual. You look REALLY skinny, though, babe. Are you doing okay at partial? I’m worried about you. :(
So I talked to my therapist three times today. Three. yep. I’m that pathetic. She mentioned how she would meet with me every day, but it’s important not to put all of your trust in one person, because in the real world, that person can’t always be there when things become difficult. I’m panicking.
I literally love her so much. I don’t want a new case manager when I step down to partial. If I had it my way, I’d like for her to be my outpatient therapist. I wrote her a long, sappy letter about how much I love her and how I know I’m dependent on her, but that I just feel so safe with her. I can’t imagine a better therapist. We made a wonderful connection.
I’m scared. I’m scared that I need someone in my life who probably won’t always be there. I’m afraid of people leaving me, but it’s almost guaranteed that when I move down to partial, I won’t be seeing her again. It scares me that I need her that much. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do well without her support.
She makes me feel good. She gives me hope. And I’ve never made a connection like that with a professional. She understands me, she doesn’t resent my eating disorder. She knows all of my flaws and can still find a billion good things about me. She’s so good to me.
I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to leave. I’m not ready to give that up.
In other news: I’m supposed to be moved to the highest meal plan PLUS a CIB by the middle of next week. Fabulous. just kill me now.
my mood today..
I feel you babyy!
fuck my life. I don’t want to gain anymore fucking weight, I literally can’t bear it.
Lindsay and I put temporary tattoos on our arms last night…yes, that’s Cinderella, don’t judge.
