February 2012
57 posts
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NEW BLOG.
so my new blog URL is: http://fragile—-bird.tumblr.com! It’s positive, recovery focused…I hope you all like it! I’ll still be posting personal posts. I’m not deleting this blog, but I’m definitely not going to be on it nearly as much.
Follow me please! :)
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recovery blogs?!
So I made a recovery blog. I won’t be deleting this one, but I need some new people to follow! :) Please please please give me any good recovery blogs that you know of, I’ll check them all out!
I’ll give you all the link once it’s up and running. :)
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I'm going to try to be positive all day.
Yesterday was really shitty, but I’m determined to make today a good day. I’m supposed to go on pass with my mom and my sister today from 1-7. I’d pack a snack here and then go out to dinner somewhere. I’m a little nervous about it, but it’ll be nice to get out for a good portion of the day.
I’m also thinking about deleting this blog. Or maybe not deleting it,...
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I hate my life...
So I talked to my therapist three times today. Three. yep. I’m that pathetic. She mentioned how she would meet with me every day, but it’s important not to put all of your trust in one person, because in the real world, that person can’t always be there when things become difficult. I’m panicking.
I literally love her so much. I don’t want a new case manager when I...
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not in a good place today.
fuck my life. I don’t want to gain anymore fucking weight, I literally can’t bear it.
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recovery discoveries:
1. I can rely on myself. As weak as I feel, this is the hardest thing I’ll ever do. I never imagined that I’d make it this far.
2. I love to cook. We have a “cooking project” every other week, and I really enjoy prepping food. Ironic, I know. It makes me feel good, and I’m good at it.
3. I’m a good listener. I’ve been told by several people that...
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“The thing about addiction is, it never ends well. Because eventually, whatever...”
– Meredith Grey (Grey’s Anatomy)
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Father, forgive me, for I have sinned.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve destroyed my body, I’ve destroyed my mind, and strained nearly every relationship in my life. I’ve hurt the ones I love most. My family is constantly worried that I’m going to die, and most people are afraid to say anything to me about my disorders.
I don’t know how to cope. I don’t know who I am without my eating disorder...
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terrrrrible day. hating my life.
I just want to give up.
SOFAT. can’t handle it.
I don’t even want to say anything else about it.
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feeling extra lonely today. :(
hope everyone has a happy valentine’s day, full of love and appreciation and everything you beautiful girls deserve. ! <3 <3
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“And I’ll be anything you ask and more, going hey, hey, hey, hey, hey....”
– 1901
it's a silly time to learn to swim when you start...
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who am I?
lost. numb. empty. why is it so fucking difficult to feel anything at all?
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my thighs are starting to touch.
freaking the FUCK out.
getmeoutofhereplease.
I can’t handle this. I can’t eat anymore. No fucking more. I’m done with treatment, I’m done becoming OBESE, I’m done with all of this. Done.
I want to starve and purge and exercise until I’m happy again. Or at least happier. I went from fucking huge to fucking MASSIVE COW in two and a half weeks. I literally want...
in a pretty good mood today. :)
I’m not sure why? I’m still feeling tired and sick, but I’m not vomiting anymore, so that’s a plus! We had a group called Assertiveness today, and we started writing letters to our eating disorders. I’m not finished with mine quite yet, but it was so empowering. I actually feel good about the things I wrote. I’m not quite sure if I believe all of it yet, but...
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triggerhappythin asked: hey :) I read your post (about the hospital) and I just wanted to say hang in there!!! I know it's tough but you can do it and I hope you feel better soon, okay? :) xoxo
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Anonymous asked: What is the name of the treatment center you're in? If you want me to come off anon I will, i'm just curious :)
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round two in the hospital:
Took three people and four IV locations to actually get one started. I came in with critically low potassium, so they gave me two bags of fluid and a few potassium pills (which are enormous). I’m still not feeling well at all today…ugh. But not quite as bad as yesterday. I just want to lay down. :(
I’m also freezing. I’m always cold, but today, it’s almost as if I...
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messages for the morning? I miss you guys! :( →
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Anonymous asked: What is Kimberly's new URL? I was at work when she deleted and didn't have chance to ask her. :(
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sldajfhsldjkh. sick today...
ended up having to go to the hospital for chest pains and vomiting (my fave), which was terrible…I spent two hours on the bathroom floor, puking. On my sweatshirt, my sweatpants, you can’t imagine. I couldn’t hold my head up. My blood pressure was a lovely 84/48, which is great…back up now. Got two IVs (yes, two. the lady fucked up the first one.), bloodwork, and some...
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Anonymous asked: brittlebonesandhopefulhearts is in treatment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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“I think and think and think, I‘ve thought myself out of happiness one million...”
– Jonathan Safran Foer
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Anonymous asked: what weight were you admitted inpatient at?
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today:
Met with my psychiatrist first thing in the morning. She asked me about my suicidal ideation, and told me to consider adding the drug lithium to my treatment. It’s most often used to treat bipolar disorder, but has shown decreases in suicidal thoughts as well. It’s a pretty extreme drug, in my opinion, and I’m not a huge fan. But we’ll see.
More concerning part of today:...