So I talked to my therapist three times today. Three. yep. I’m that pathetic. She mentioned how she would meet with me every day, but it’s important not to put all of your trust in one person, because in the real world, that person can’t always be there when things become difficult. I’m panicking. 

I literally love her so much. I don’t want a new case manager when I step down to partial. If I had it my way, I’d like for her to be my outpatient therapist. I wrote her a long, sappy letter about how much I love her and how I know I’m dependent on her, but that I just feel so safe with her. I can’t imagine a better therapist. We made a wonderful connection.

I’m scared. I’m scared that I need someone in my life who probably won’t always be there. I’m afraid of people leaving me, but it’s almost guaranteed that when I move down to partial, I won’t be seeing her again. It scares me that I need her that much. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do well without her support.

She makes me feel good. She gives me hope. And I’ve never made a connection like that with a professional. She understands me, she doesn’t resent my eating disorder. She knows all of my flaws and can still find a billion good things about me. She’s so good to me.

I don’t want to lose her. I don’t want to leave. I’m not ready to give that up.

In other news: I’m supposed to be moved to the highest meal plan PLUS a CIB by the middle of next week. Fabulous. just kill me now.